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Love and Coffee (What Kim Kardashian needs to learn about being a bride)

What Kim Kardashian needs to learn

What Kim Kardashian needs to learn

Hello my perky planners and wedding wonderwomen,

As all of you know, the most hyped wedding since Wills and Kate came to an end nearly two years ago.  Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from Kris Humphries in October 2011 after only 72 days of marriage.  Her action has prompted me to talk about a feeling that will hit all brides either right before the wedding or within the first few months after it.  PANIC.   You start asking internal questions like “What am I doing?”, “Do I really want to do this?”, “Can I handle dealing with this person every day of my life?”.  Your single life starts looking better and better.

Every bride and groom feels panic at some point.  For me, it was during my wedding reception. (Yes, we industry folks go through it too! LOL)

OK so the backstory… This perky planner was marrying the man of my dreams.  He was smart, funny, witty and brewed his own beer as a hobby. Whoo-hoo!  We took fabulous engagement photos including a vintage set with our names up on a movie marquee starring in a movie called “Love and Coffee” because 1. we both really love coffee and 2. I think those are both items which should be deep, strong and sweet! J

Every bride and groom feels panic at some point. For me, it was during my wedding reception.

I had spent a stressful year planning a fantastic green wedding.  An eco-chic wedding that (in my bride’s brain) would make my handsome hubby-to-be write & sing me songs of praise in crowded bus stations and declare to random strangers in restaurants that I was the perfect wife, more amazing than he ever expected. . . .  Those of you who know my quiet, reserved husband will see the funny in that. =o)

My future hubby had been very patient throughout the process, but like most grooms, his world did not revolve around planning our wedding as mine did.  The day of our wedding arrived with the chaos of a typical wedding made even more hectic by the very unexpected, still-to-this-day unexplained, absence of my wedding planner, a former friend.  All of a sudden, not only was I “the Bride” but also “the Wedding Planner” a dual role which I do not recommend to any bride!!  I remember saying my vows and then a blur of people, logistical questions & photoflashes, then going to the dance floor for my song dedication to my wonderful new hubster.2102_1077343207418_4313_n

On the way out to dance, someone (I could not tell you who to this day) pulled me aside to tell me that travel arrangements for our minister had changed. The new plan made sense to me and I OK’d it, then got ready to dance.  At this point, I was slipping into a happy state of relaxation.  We’d gotten through the ceremony and all of the “to-do’s” of the reception, everyone was having an amazing time and I could now enjoy dancing with my new amazing husband.

We start to sway to the very sweet song and I remembered that a plan had changed, so I quickly whispered that our minister had a new ride to the airport the next day, (meaning we didn’t have to get up early and take him).  Little did I know that comment was the proverbial straw to break the camel’s back.  My normally calm, composed, unruffled man stopped dancing mid-song, his head rotated 360 degrees, he stomped his foot and snapped at me that he’d already taken care of that detail.***

I remember at that moment thinking in a state of panic, “Oh my God, I married this crazy man. What do I do??” Right after that, came anger and sadness.  This was our one wedding day and he was ruining it.  Somehow we started dancing again but my joy was gone.  The anger lasted through part of our next activity – the bride and groom photos.  He apologized profusely and we made up halfway through the shots.  It made for some horrible Bride/Groom shots – Half me trying not to touch him because I am so upset and half us buried in each other’s shoulders and me crying.  Mr. G & I can look back now and laugh, but I think we scarred Eleonore, our photographer for life!! =o)

Our eco-chic vintage wedding invites

Our eco-chic vintage wedding invites

***OK, OK his head didn’t rotate, but the rest happened!! LOL  On our honeymoon, the reason for Mr. G’s anger and exasperation came out little by little.  The vendors had been very worried about doing anything I had not OK’d personally. They knew Mr. G knew the basics but not many of the details, so they would ask him to make a decision, then wait and ask me the same question when I became available and follow my directions, not his.  Mr. G felt obsolete and was getting exasperated that they kept asking him questions even though they knew they wouldn’t follow his direction.  He had just been asked about the minister’s ride arrangements right before I had and he popped off at the closest person to him, which just happened to be me. 

The drama queen in me likes to imagine us as Brad and Angie in that final battle in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. We’re fighting together, backs to each other for protection, kicking the ass of anyone who tries to mess with our marriage.

A couple of things I’d like to say are

  1. When I see folks like Kim K. and Kris Humphries calling it quits so quickly, it makes me so sad.  I think brides get caught up in the fairy tale planning of the perfect day, the new dress and Cinderella of it all.  They give no thought to the marriage on the other side.   And no one said marriage was easy.  Remember -the person who will be standing next to you in front of your friends and family will be the same one who comforts you during the loss of a parent or job and the same one who will be there holding your hand when your baby boy or girl comes into the world.  They have annoying habits, but then again, so do you.
  2. She said she realized their relationship was wrong before the wedding but didn’t want to disappoint anyone so she went through with it.  Going into a marriage already having your exit strategy ready is doing a disservice to both of you.  I picture her keeping her fingers crossed as she said I do.  If you aren’t fully committed to that other person, minor mole hills are going to turn into major mountains.

Hopefully the upcoming Kim/Kanye marriage will have true staying power. I hope Kim’s realized after the “Kris Khaos”, that a wedding is more than just a one day party.  It takes time, effort and more than a little sense of humor.

It’s four years later, and I can tell you marrying Mr. G was the best decision I ever made.  Is everyday butterflies, rainbows and unicorns?  No.  We’ve been through job downsizings, a 9 month contract job which separated us – me in DFW and him in Austin, a horrible round of West Nile, and many other bumps in the road.  But no matter what happens, we’re in it together.  The drama queen in me likes to imagine us as Brad and Angie in that final battle in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. We’re fighting together, backs to each other for protection, kicking the ass of anyone who tries to mess with our marriage.Love and Coffee

Ironically the problems we’ve worked through in our marriage makes our little hubby/wife moments that much sweeter.  Every morning, Mr. G always gets out matching coffee cups so when I get around to getting coffee (usually after he’s left for work), I have the same mug as he did.  It’s his little way of saying he’s thinking of me even early in the morning.  And every day when I pour my first cup of coffee, I think about him and smile.  My java, like our love, is strong, deep and sweet…

Brad and Angie may have a good movie but “Love and Coffee” will always be my favorite classic romance.

Love, Laughter & Happily Ever After. . .

Melissa

www.emeraldeventsintl.com

www.beEmerald.com

Melissa Wagner-Gens, PMP is  a Green Event Educator, Mentor & Certified Planner who has coordinated numerous eco-chic events in Colorado & Texas. Her Emerald Certified  green event planner certification website is www.BeEmerald.com & her event planning and small business mentoring website is www.EmeraldEventsIntl.com.  She developed and continues to teach the event planner certification program at Collin College.  She is also the resident Green Event Expert, mentor and regularly writes content for EcoPartyTime‘s site and blog.  She believes everyone deserves a brilliantly green party at least once in their life, regardless of race, shape, political views, hair color, or coffee preference.

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One comment on “Love and Coffee (What Kim Kardashian needs to learn about being a bride)

  1. Eleonore
    September 20, 2013

    Great article! I was a little scarred for life. LOL!

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